He talked about a present day school system that was designed for our early 1900s agricultural society. At Dr. Perry’s magnet school, Capital Prep, in Hartford, Connecticut, the previously lowest performing district in the state, 100% of the middle/high school students now go on to college.

There is simply no access to this society – period – without access to quality education.

Thank you, Richland, for inviting me. I enjoyed the mix of academic, business, city and community participants.

This feeling of being on the Outside can happen within any dimension of diversity but I want to talk today about the unconscious insensitivities that can happen between people who are able-bodied and those who are not. Disability awareness is stronger than when I was growing up. Today, we have wheelchair ramps, handicapped parking, sign interpretation and the like. Yet, still, people with disabilities get scores of messages each day that can unintentionally make them feel on the outside.

I have been very fortunate that a number of friends with disabilities have been generous enough to set me straight when I’ve been insensitive and about what respectful behavior looks like to them. I’d like to share some of the things I’ve learned. But please remember that one size does not fit all. We can only speak of general guidelines and guidelines can never take the place of asking an individual how he or she would like to be treated. Each person has individual preferences.

A few things I’ve discovered or been told:

• It’s okay to offer to help people, but don’t just grab someone’s arm, for instance, and start helping him or her across the street.  Ask first – before you touch someone or make a move. Or wait and be ready if someone asks you for help.

• Remember, just because a person has one disability doesn’t mean they have several. People who are blind, for example, can hear. It’s almost like a natural impulse, but we need to remember that there’s no need to talk slower or louder.

• If you’re talking to a deaf person who is using an interpreter, look at and address that person, not the interpreter, when you are talking.

• For most people in wheelchairs, if you can sit down and be eye level, that saves them from crooking their necks to talk to you. Imagine what it would be like to look up to talk all day long.

• Oh! And here’s a good tip. If someone has a Seeing Eye dog – that dog is on the job, working, so don’t pet or distract the dog from its job.

• It’s okay to ask people about their disabilities and it’s okay if they don’t want to talk about them. Remember, you’re just one person asking, but people, especially with visible disabilities, may get questions twenty times a day, the same questions day after day, year after year. You can imagine how tiring that can be. Questions are great and we can take on the task of educating ourselves as well.

• It’s okay when you’re talking to use words like “walk” or “run” or “Do you see what I mean?” Or “Do you hear me?” People with disabilities understand that these are habitual figures of speech and they often use them as well.

• If people have speech problems it’s okay to ask them to repeat what they said or ask them to write something down. Let them know by what you say, your tone, your eyes, your smile, your patience – that you really care to know what they’re saying.

• We can all be advocates for each other. One simple suggestion I’ve been given: don’t park in places reserved for people with disabilities. Also, when you go to a mall or other public places and see that it wouldn’t be accessible to a disabled friend, say something to the management.

• A number of disabilities cannot be seen. Be open to picking up the cues or asking how you can make whatever environment you’re in more comfortable for everyone. For example, your cologne or perfume could send someone into a reaction for weeks.

If you read this list and feel a little of “Why do we always have to be sensitive to their disabilities?” that’s okay. Just know those feelings signal that you are an Insider on this issue. All of us who have been the historical Insiders on a particular dimension of diversity will have times when we feel the previous Outsider group is getting “special preference” or attention. That’s because we’re unaware of how much we’ve been getting “special preference” all along and how much life is already set up for us.

All of us are Insiders some of the time – this is not about being good or bad people. It’s about becoming aware that when we’re on the inside by definition we will have blind spots. Everything around us reinforces that our way is right, best and “normal.”  It is not special preference to break down barriers to equality.

I’d really love to see us move beyond the question of rights and political correctness. Instead, let’s be truly “PC”, that is “Personally Caring”. Let’s turn our attention to how much we lose if any in our human family feels like outsiders and how much we benefit when we are able to receive everyone’s contribution. Each and everyone one of us is important. Each of us has a unique light. The world goes dark when any of us are not able to share our light, and the whole world brightens when we do.

This article may be reprinted when this full byline is used:

Susan O’Halloran is a story artist, workshop presenter, television personality and keynote speaker whose work explores the complex issues of social justice. She is an author of four books plus diversity curriculums, CDs and films. The Chicago Reader says O’Halloran “has mastered the Irish art of telling stories that are funny and heart-wrenching at the same time.” For a copy of a free teleseminar with Susan, go to www.susanohalloran.com

Plus, read everything you can about your subject. Learn from others in a Gettrespectful way, that is, don’t turn traditional outsiders into a project by asking a thousand questions. We need to take the responsibility to educate ourselves and be ready to share who we are. People who have been placed on the outside have enough burdens without feeling as though they are specimens under a microscope or spokesperson for their entire group We can look for ethnic film festivals or panel discussions where it’s set up for us to ask questions and the people involved are being paid for their time or, at least, voluntarily in education mode.

To tell our stories without sounding “preachy,” we need to use all the tools of the storytelling trade — suspense, humor, clear characters the audience can care about and so on. Listen to storytelling and political speeches that don’t work. Analyze when you started to shift in your seat because you felt as though you were being chastised. When does a description of a situation immobilize you with guilt and overwhelm you with its complexity and when do you feel compelled to pick up the phone, write a check or go to the meeting?

I’m not talking about choosing our words to be “politically correct,” but to become more aware of what we are communicating – intentionally and unintentionally. This debate over language isn’t arbitrary or frivolous. One group has had the power to name things, has had the power for so long that we are blind to the biases and put downs associated with so many “common” words. The greatest sign of respect is to call people what they want to be called.

I know this can seem confusing. But make it simple: ask the people you are involved with or plan to tell stories about what they prefer to be called. Not in a manner that puts them under a microscope or asks them to speak for their group such as: “What do “you all” want to be called?” (“Well, all twelve million of us have taken a vote and…”) Instead, ask people as individuals what they prefer and be ready to share your preferences as well. This means we have to make contact; this means we have to talk to each other.

Instead of feeling put out by the need to consider language, we could rejoice in the fact that we’re finally becoming a multi-voiced nation. People are beginning to name themselves and no one group of anything wants to be called any one thing.

Language is a living, breathing, ever-changing art form. We could take the attitude that it’s interesting and even fun to play with words to get descriptions that are more clear, more accurate and more sensitive. We take the time not to be “right” but because we care not to hurt each other. When we choose different words we help people see a different reality. A different shared reality is the foundation upon which we can build a transformed society that works for everyone.

This article may be reprinted when this full byline is used:

Susan O’Halloran is a story artist, workshop presenter, television personality and keynote speaker whose work explores the complex issues of social justice. She is an author of four books plus diversity curriculums, CDs and films. The Chicago Reader says O’Halloran “has mastered the Irish art of telling stories that are funny and heart-wrenching at the same time.” For a copy of a free teleseminar with Susan, go to www.susanohalloran.com

* Photo purchased from istockphoto.com