PC About Disabilities

I don’t think any of us woke up this morning thinking, “Oh, this is great. I can’t wait to get to work and make someone feel unappreciated and frustrated today.” No.  Much of the exclusion that goes on happens simply because we’re so focused on our own problems we don’t even notice that someone else is feeling on the outside. Without always meaning to exclude, there can be whole groups of people who can perceive themselves or be perceived by others as outsiders.

This feeling of being on the Outside can happen within any dimension of diversity but I want to talk today about the unconscious insensitivities that can happen between people who are able-bodied and those who are not. Disability awareness is stronger than when I was growing up. Today, we have wheelchair ramps, handicapped parking, sign interpretation and the like. Yet, still, people with disabilities get scores of messages each day that can unintentionally make them feel on the outside.

I have been very fortunate that a number of friends with disabilities have been generous enough to set me straight when I’ve been insensitive and about what respectful behavior looks like to them. I’d like to share some of the things I’ve learned. But please remember that one size does not fit all. We can only speak of general guidelines and guidelines can never take the place of asking an individual how he or she would like to be treated. Each person has individual preferences.

A few things I’ve discovered or been told:

• It’s okay to offer to help people, but don’t just grab someone’s arm, for instance, and start helping him or her across the street.  Ask first – before you touch someone or make a move. Or wait and be ready if someone asks you for help.

• Remember, just because a person has one disability doesn’t mean they have several. People who are blind, for example, can hear. It’s almost like a natural impulse, but we need to remember that there’s no need to talk slower or louder.

• If you’re talking to a deaf person who is using an interpreter, look at and address that person, not the interpreter, when you are talking.

• For most people in wheelchairs, if you can sit down and be eye level, that saves them from crooking their necks to talk to you. Imagine what it would be like to look up to talk all day long.

• Oh! And here’s a good tip. If someone has a Seeing Eye dog – that dog is on the job, working, so don’t pet or distract the dog from its job.

• It’s okay to ask people about their disabilities and it’s okay if they don’t want to talk about them. Remember, you’re just one person asking, but people, especially with visible disabilities, may get questions twenty times a day, the same questions day after day, year after year. You can imagine how tiring that can be. Questions are great and we can take on the task of educating ourselves as well.

• It’s okay when you’re talking to use words like “walk” or “run” or “Do you see what I mean?” Or “Do you hear me?” People with disabilities understand that these are habitual figures of speech and they often use them as well.

• If people have speech problems it’s okay to ask them to repeat what they said or ask them to write something down. Let them know by what you say, your tone, your eyes, your smile, your patience – that you really care to know what they’re saying.

• We can all be advocates for each other. One simple suggestion I’ve been given: don’t park in places reserved for people with disabilities. Also, when you go to a mall or other public places and see that it wouldn’t be accessible to a disabled friend, say something to the management.

• A number of disabilities cannot be seen. Be open to picking up the cues or asking how you can make whatever environment you’re in more comfortable for everyone. For example, your cologne or perfume could send someone into a reaction for weeks.

If you read this list and feel a little of “Why do we always have to be sensitive to their disabilities?” that’s okay. Just know those feelings signal that you are an Insider on this issue. All of us who have been the historical Insiders on a particular dimension of diversity will have times when we feel the previous Outsider group is getting “special preference” or attention. That’s because we’re unaware of how much we’ve been getting “special preference” all along and how much life is already set up for us.

All of us are Insiders some of the time – this is not about being good or bad people. It’s about becoming aware that when we’re on the inside by definition we will have blind spots. Everything around us reinforces that our way is right, best and “normal.”  It is not special preference to break down barriers to equality.

I’d really love to see us move beyond the question of rights and political correctness. Instead, let’s be truly “PC”, that is “Personally Caring”. Let’s turn our attention to how much we lose if any in our human family feels like outsiders and how much we benefit when we are able to receive everyone’s contribution. Each and everyone one of us is important. Each of us has a unique light. The world goes dark when any of us are not able to share our light, and the whole world brightens when we do.

This article may be reprinted when this full byline is used:

Susan O’Halloran is a story artist, workshop presenter, television personality and keynote speaker whose work explores the complex issues of social justice. She is an author of four books plus diversity curriculums, CDs and films. The Chicago Reader says O’Halloran “has mastered the Irish art of telling stories that are funny and heart-wrenching at the same time.” For a copy of a free teleseminar with Susan, go to www.susanohalloran.com

Setting the right tone for your message

All good outer work starts with inner work. We need to become good detectives on ourselves. Before telling a story around a social justice theme, interviewing people for your research, or inviting someone to speak to your class or organization, boldly delve into your own history of difference. Be willing to look at not only when you were on the receiving end of other people’s ignorance and hate, but the much harder task of when and how you’ve dished it out. We need to understand how we are like the things we want to change in order for our stories to achieve the tone that opens hearts. Get to know your defenses and your hiding places, your large reserve of prejudices and fears. When we cozy up to our shadow sides, we sound less righteous and people are less likely to close down when we speak. If we want to change hearts, it is wiser to speak of our journey, not what other people should say or do.

Plus, read everything you can about your subject. Learn from others in a Gettrespectful way, that is, don’t turn traditional outsiders into a project by asking a thousand questions. We need to take the responsibility to educate ourselves and be ready to share who we are. People who have been placed on the outside have enough burdens without feeling as though they are specimens under a microscope or spokesperson for their entire group We can look for ethnic film festivals or panel discussions where it’s set up for us to ask questions and the people involved are being paid for their time or, at least, voluntarily in education mode.

To tell our stories without sounding “preachy,” we need to use all the tools of the storytelling trade — suspense, humor, clear characters the audience can care about and so on. Listen to storytelling and political speeches that don’t work. Analyze when you started to shift in your seat because you felt as though you were being chastised. When does a description of a situation immobilize you with guilt and overwhelm you with its complexity and when do you feel compelled to pick up the phone, write a check or go to the meeting?