THE HABIT

During this holiday season, some of you may read or go see The Christmas Carol. In this play, the main character, Scrooge, bellows, “Bah! Humbug!” It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more Scrooge told himself how miserable life was, the more miserable he became. He had developed the habit of a closed, inflexible and mistrustful mind. “Habit” may seem like a strange phrase to use, but think of other habits you have, such as brushing your teeth, washing your face or combing your hair. A lot of our habits have to do with taking care of our personal appearances. Well, the internal us, our minds, need some looking after everyday as well.

When disappointments come your way, after a grieving period, check your thoughts. Do you live by scripts that tell you life is “Bah! Humbug!” or do you live by scripts that help you to keep a realistic yet open mind toward life and other people? This isn’t about being in denial of life’s hardships or playing Pollyanna, it’s just that an optimistic, bigger picture attitude allows for more possibilities.

If you read stories about people who survive hardships, such as those who survive after capsizing at sea, getting caught in an avalanche or lost in the woods, you’ll see a pattern emerge. One thing that survivors seem to have in common is that somehow they are able to keep their minds open to the possibility of being rescued. They keep their faith alive and believe that things will eventually work out. Even though they’re in terrible situations, they allow new ideas and solutions to keep flowing through their brains.

We see through the lens of our beliefs systems. If we mesmerize ourselves with statements such as “Things will never change” or “I guess violence is inevitable” or “It’s just human nature not to get along” we’re likely to create a world that matches our deepest fears.

Someone once told me that cynics are just disappointed romantics. Sometimes the people who seem the most negative are the ones who care the most. They use their negativity to shield them from further hurts. And, let’s face it, sometimes caution and a bit of mistrust is just what’s called for.

The trick is not to get stuck, to be able to discern: is this a time for caution or a time to open to greater possibilities? If we know to expect, appreciate and address our pessimism, it won’t immobilize us. We need to know that as soon as we create a vision of what we’d like our life, our country or our world to look like, limiting beliefs will pop up. As soon as you plant a garden, weeds grow, don’t they?

Like a gardener with her hoe, we have to use imagination and creativity to weed out our limiting beliefs. We’re always going to have to weed the garden. If we tend the garden regularly, the garden will eventually flourish. After allowing myself time for a pity party when I was down last month, I started to weed out my despair and instead churn in some activating fertilizer. Imagine how my hopelessness (“Things never work out” “Nothing I do makes a difference”) changed to a sense of possibility by changing my self-talk. Here are a few activating beliefs I’m using these days:

• Real change happens out of the commitment of a few; I am one of those few.
• It’s my country. If I don’t do it who will? If not me, who?
• I educate myself and develop all the skills I need.
• The present world is a function of our thinking. If I want change, I start with myself and change my heart to a peaceful one.
• I build support person by person until I make an impact.
• I trust I will find and make my unique contribution.
• Small solutions lead to bigger solutions.
• The outcome is not my business. I do what I can do.
• Human decisions got us here. Nothing is inevitable. With intelligence and creativity, we’ll find our way.

The day-to-day (sometimes minute-to-minute) training of our minds to be open to our good strips us of apathetic malaise and puts us into the world of action, each of us then able to make our unique contribution to the cumulative process of transformation.