Language is never neutral. For example, in school when learning about slavery we talked about “slaves.” The word “slave” certainly seemed like a neutral word describing a specific cruel reality. But several years ago some African American friends pointed out to me that a word such as “slave” denotes a certain viewpoint i.e. the oppressor’s viewpoint.

As a speaker and storyteller I must always consider from whose point of view is the story being told. I appreciated my friends’ comments because I saw how talking about “the slaves” could reduce people to a de-humanized role. It was a simple shift. Now, when I’m telling stories about or commenting on history from that time period I’ll use words such as “people who were enslaved’, or “people who were kidnapped”. I can tell from the kind of comments or questions that follow my talks or stories that using a different word can deepen our perception quite profoundly. Now, we’re getting a more accurate description of who were “the doers” and who were “the done-tos”.

I’m not interested in choosing my words to be “politically correct,” but to communicate something. For me, “people who were held captive” tells the truth. This debate over language isn’t arbitrary or frivolous. One group has had the power to name things, has had the power for so long that we are blind to the subtle biases and impacts associated with so many “common” words.

We can even think we’re being respectful. When I grew up I was taught to say the word “Negro” as a sign of respect. Today, many of us have been told to say “Native American.” But those words aren’t necessarily the names those groups chose or choose for themselves. The greatest sign of respect is to call people what they want to be called.

The whole debate over language can seem confusing. But I like to make it simple: I ask the people I’m involved with what they prefer to be called. Not in a manner that puts them under a microscope or asks them to speak for their group. Imagine this conversation:

“What do “you all” want to be called?”

“Well, all twelve million of us have taken a vote and we prefer…”

I ask people as individuals what they prefer to be called, for instance, and I’m ready to share my preferences as well. This means we have to make contact; this means we have to talk to each other. This means we’re ready for a two-way conversation.

Instead of feeling put out by the need to consider language, we could rejoice in the fact that we’re finally becoming a multi-voiced nation. People are beginning to name themselves and no one group of anything wants to be called any one thing.

Language is a living, breathing, ever-changing art form. Instead complaining that someone is crimping our style, we could take the attitude that it’s interesting and even fun to play with words to get descriptions that are more clear, more accurate and more sensitive. Not to be “right” but because we care not to hurt each other. When we choose different words we help people see a different reality. A different shared reality is the foundation upon which we can build a transformed society that works for everyone.

Are there phrases and actions that communicate respect or disrespect to you? How have you shared these preferences in a non-blaming way with the people with whom you work, socialize or live?

Have you asked the people in your life about their language preferences? What do you do when they assign very different meanings to words and actions?

 If this post gave you food for thought, please comment, “like” it and share it with friends.